Why you shouldn’t even consider dieting and exercising for weight loss or “toning”Enter any gym these days and you will find it filled with borderline obese and morbidly obese individuals that are either weight training with heavy enough weights (like the 2 lb pink dumbbells to do squats) or doing hours upon hours of cardio. It is rare to find the “toned” individuals at any gym. When you ask these people at the gym “how long have you been exercising?” the common answer would be “a couple of years now.” This could only mean one thing! That exercise is pointless. Millions of people can’t be wrong, right? These people exercise on a daily basis for hours to no avail. If you ask any retarded self proclaimed expert, like competitive bodybuilders for example, they will try and feed you bullshit like “you aren’t training correctly”, “you aren’t training with high enough intensity”, or “your diet is probably awful.” Fact of the matter is, these bodybuilders are lairs. I will get back to this point in a second. Now, if you ask these people about their diets, you find that they make total sense and that they should lose fat at a very fast rate. Usually, they eat 1-2 meals per day that are very low in fat and calories. Most of them even follow diets that are scientifically proven to make you lose weight at an alarming rate (4 or more lbs per week, theoretically, without hitting a plateau). For example, atkins, the chemical diet, the cabbage soup diet, the tomato diet, low fat diets, the protein diet, the fish diet… etc. why aren’t they losing any weight? Well, here is your answer. Dr. Edward Von Ipulledresearchoutofmyassbychosingtestsubjectsthatarebiasedtowardsmakingmyresearchlooklegitandmynamecanbealloverthenews’Ovitch has discovered a new virus that is called obesetosis fatassulitium that causes people to basically store the energy that they should be burning while exercising. To explain further, say you are walking on the treadmill and it says you burned 300 calories. If you did not have this virus, you would’ve burned those calories. But if you are infected, you will actually gain 300 calories. The virus converts the heat your body produces into particles of liquid sugary magma that are calorie dense. As you breathe heavier while exercising, you inhale this liquid sugary magma and it goes into your blood stream via your lungs. It is then directly converted to fat and you can actually get fatter by exercising!! Why you might ask? Because you are prone to inhale other peoples liquid sugary magma. So instead of burning 300 calories, you are actually storing 300 calories or more (depending on how much sugary magma is released around you from other individuals).
According to a recent survey and random blood tests conducted on people, around 97.89% of overweight and obese people have contracted this virus. This is the main reason why they can’t lose weight.
Going back to competitive bodybuilders and their excuses about why people can’t lose weight… our undercover staff have discovered how these self proclaimed experts grow muscle mass and burn fat at a fast rate. We have discovered that they only work out to divert peoples attention from the real cause of their muscle gain. Heavy weight lifting has been proven time and time again by doctors to be useless. The real reason is muscle implants and extreme steroid use. They don’t even have to work out, but they do so that people don’t catch on to their secrets. Our undercover stuff have discovered that they use steroids like whey protein and creatine in very high doses. This is the reason why you see them dropping dead at the age of 26, and none of them ever got past the age of 29. the doses of whey protein they use are lethal, some use up to 50 grams of protein per day, enough to kill a small koala. Also, the secret to their fat loss is basically liposuction. This is why in a “cutting” phase, as they call it, they dress up in baggy clothes to try to hide the surgery scars and the swelling resulting from the surgery, and they are tired and weak all the time. They try to cover it up by saying they look that way due to severe dieting techniques, but it’s all lies.
The latest medical research shows that the safest and ONLY way to lose fat is through a combination of liposuction every 12 weeks, using strong laxatives every 3 days, and drinking 5 gallons of green tea per week. This is the only, and safest way to lose fat. The research showed that there are no negative health effects from doing this, and in fact, it will make you healthier and live longer.
Just say no to dieting and exercise. It was a scam all along. And it is the main reason why obesity has been on the rise for the past 40 years. Please visit a plastic surgeon as soon as you can to get liposuction and muscle implants. Don’t let the media fool you by saying you have to exercise and diet. It won’t work. It’s just a way to sell products.
For the new people reading the blog, this is a goddamn joke… seeing how ignorant, lazy, and retarded people have become this past fucking decade, about 90% of the people who don’t know I’m joking will actually believe this shit. More and more people are tuning into this stupid show called The Doctors, and trust me, it’s full of shit. After I saw yesterday’s episode, I just fucking flipped. They encourage having gastric bypass surgery, liposuction, and this new retarded stomafix surgery over dieting and exercising. They had a fat stupid bitch on the show and she was oh so fucking fat. Had gastric bypass surgery done 5 years ago cuz she was a fat whale, I think she said she hit 270 lbs, after saying… get ready for it… “I tried every diet and training program you could think of. Nothing worked”… now, she went down to, and I quote, “my healthy weight of 170 lbs” after a couple of years of physically not being able to eat (meaning the fat pig was stuffing her face in the first place)… first of all, 170 lbs is not a healthy weight for a woman unless she’s 6’5 or something. Second, anyone can fucking lose weight. It doesn’t even take self control when you’re fucking 250 lbs of fat. Anyway, 5 years later, she went up to 218 lbs because “something was wrong”… ofcourse, they didn’t say what was wrong, but they just wanted to show you how great the new “stomafix” surgery is… any retard with half a brain would know that the “something was wrong” part basically means “I was eating like a pig and stretched out my stomach again”… because in the stomafix crap they were explaining, they said “the stomach seems to be stretched out… this is one of the downfalls of gastric bypass and why it doesn’t work for everyone… so now we will do this stomafix procedure blah blah blah”… and a couple of months after the stomafix, she lost 35 lbs, taking her down to the “healthy” weight of 183 lbs!!! oh boy… even while standing there while sucking in her stomach (and it actually showed on her face that she was uncomfortable), wearing a fucking wonder bra, and a corset, she still couldn’t hide cankles and fat arms. Anyway… the “doctors” were praising this new procedure and were trying to explain how diet and exercise doesn’t work for a lot of people and that they should consult their surgeon about stomafix.
In the same episode, a woman wrote in a question and was asking about how to get rid of cankles… she said that she lost all the fat on her body and she’s only left with cankles… usually, people who are delusional, have 40 inch fat thighs, a 40 inch waist, an ass as big as the day is long, and cheeks that resemble a baboon’s bottom would believe their friends when they act nice and say “you’re just a little chubby… but men like that a lot in a woman”… there is no such thing as “I lost all the fat on my body except for my cankles”… anyway… the old surgeon who is orange from the bad spray tan he has on that is on the show said… “actually, this is very common. A lot of people come to me with this concern and it’s very easy to get rid of it. See, we first make an incision here, then we suck the fat out… blah blah blah”… drove me fucking nuts!!! I was picking up ruffles and throwing him at the tv with rage!!! (it’s ok, he wears a helmet cuz he’s special, so he doesn’t even feel it)…
Anyway… look, if you’re fat, and you “tried everything” but you can’t lose the weight… it’s your own fault. You haven’t tried anything reasonable and you just want the one day diet and shit. It’s all your fault you’re fat. You can be normal, or even athletic looking in a year or two even if you’re obese! But you don’t look like that cuz you have no will power to stop shoving fucking cup cakes down your throat. One of my wife’s friend who is in desperate need of losing weight was at tony roma’s yesterday asking the waiter “what kind of diet food do you have?”… all this while I was eating a brownie with ice cream and hot fudge, right after I ate my cheeseburger pizza with 2 scoops of baskin robbins ice cream with hot fudge and butterscotch, along with some cinnamon sticks… if someone saw this they’d say “poor thing, she’s trying so hard. And you are an ass for having great genetics and eating pizza and brownies gain muscle instead of fat”… who the fuck goes to tony roma's and asks for diet food???? really, people lack any kind of will power or logic when it comes to diet and exercise. Yesterday, a supervisor came to my cubicle and we were talking about exercising and shit. Then he said “look, I jog everyday for atleast an hour, I come from an obese family and I used to be obese, I only eat 2 small meals per day BUT I’M NOT LOSING ANY WEIGHT!! WHY?!” the guy is borderline obese… probably at 23-25% fat, 5’9 at around 220 lbs. how come he burns about 1000 cals per day by jogging, and only eats about 800 calories per day, but he doesn’t lose weight? I’m sure it’s not his fault! Oh yes the fuck it is. Cuz when I explained to him how what he’s doing is stupid and pointless, and how he should fix it… this is what he said:
“look, I’m not willing to change the way I exercise, I’m not willing to change my diet, and I’m not willing to change the way I sleep… so what can I do?”
This is the same guy who said he is desperate and is willing to try anything. I just said “look, I don’t mean to offend you, but this is what I usually tell my friends… the definition of the word stupid is if you keep on doing the same thing over and over yet you expect different results”
Take it from me… if you’re fat, it’s because you are weak willed, lazy, lack self control, and don’t want to put any effort into losing the weight and understanding how your body works… and it’s not because god hates you!
If I wake up tomorrow with emphysema, I wouldn’t say it’s because god hates me… I’d fucking deserve it because I chose to smoke (btw, emphysema is what smokers should worry about, not lung cancer). Same thing with fat people… you deserve to be fat. Now get on a treadmill and eat some fucking fresh food with good ratios, will ya?
