Ok! Here's what you fat asses have been waiting for!!!

Imagine eating junk food, not exercising like a maniac, and not even going to the gym!!! not even once!! and lose weight!!! yeah, i bet your fat asses are jumping with joy. If you think i'm kidding, i'm not.

Let me share a little tid bit of personal feelings with you... most of you know that I take exercising seriously, i eat clean 6 days per week, i take supplements (natural and chemical) that help keep me healthier than 99.999% of the population, and still people look at my life style as unhealthy, will eventually make me have a small penis, and it will make my testicles explode. I shit you not, these are words that people actually said to me... the exploding testicle part came from my mom... she wasn't kidding... and she works in a hospital... you'd think she'd actually have a bit of knowledge in the subject... but whatever... anyway... eating pure shit these days is considered healthy... i'm not talking about mcdonalds or burger king... that stuff is extremely healthy compared to the crap most people i know eat. Anyway, since most people don't really care about what's "healthy", and they only want to eat things that taste good to them and try to justify it by lying to themselves and saying it's "healthy" when it's truly garbage. So, since almost everyone wants to live a very long and healthy life, but also wants to eat shit all the time and not lift a finger, i'm sorry to say that you'll either die young and enjoy what you eat and how you live... or you'll live a long and balanced life (i'm taking genetics and fate out of this equation)... most people really don't give a damn about their health (look at how they live) but want you to believe that they are extremely health concious because they don't want you to think of them as stupid children who don't know better... people only want to lose weight (they don't want to look good because they know deep down inside that it takes effort) and appear lighter on the scale... they don't care how they do it... they don't care if they take 30 years off of their lives doing it... they just want it to happen... if that weren't true, then explain to me why the most popular diets are those that will most probably cause a heart attack? ex. atkins diet, and the "chemical" diet... oh yeah... and the cookie diet... i'm not kidding... it's all the rage now adays... and guess who came up with it? a doctor...as in M.D.

More on my approach....

Ok, i've tried this on two people at work... and it worked... both lost more than 10 kilos (22 lbs) in less than 8 weeks. acutally, one lost 10 kg and the other lost 13 kg... so, i know it works. ofcourse, both individuals didn't care if it were muscle, fat, or testicular weight that was lost... they just wanted to appear "thinner"...
this is a junk food diet... the only exercise you have to do is walk for an hour 3 times a week... that's it... you just eat pure junk all day... but there's a catch

The catch

you have to eat the same junk, day in and day out... let's say... ummm... cheese sandwich, snickers, and coffee for breakfast... a bag or two of chips at noon... a plate of rice and some chicken (fried or anything) for lunch... galaxy bar, pepsi, chips, and snickers for a snack... big mac meal (super sized) for dinner... chocolate bar before bed...
ok, so now you have an example of what you eat... WRITE IT DOWN!! eat the same shit everyday in the same quantities...THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! SAME QUANTITY!!! WRITE IT DOWN!!! so, you eat it... day in, day out... until your weight stabalizes for a week... then, start walking 3 times per week (1 hour)... doesn't even have to be power walking... just walk... you'll start losing weight... 1-2 weeks later, your weight stabalizes again... what do you do? you reduce quantities on one of your meals... say, instead of super sizing you big mac meal, just upsize it... again, you lose weight, stabalize, reduce something else on that menu... you will keep losing weight until you are down to 1 meal a day... when you stop losing weight... increase walking sessions...

Remeber, if you start out high on cals, you'll lose a shitload of weight by the time you reach 1 meal a day and walking 7 times a week...

I promise, you will lose more than 40 kg in less than 6 months... that's 88 lbs... and guess what? you remember my friends who lost weight on this? yeah, they didn't even go by what i said... they just decreased quantities without eating the same things... if they went by what i told them, they'd lose double the weight they did....

this diet my cause severe health problems... but do you care? seriously... something as good as "eat junk every day and barely move".... let's see how many people compromise their health to lose weight and still look like total shit... i can assure you, it'll be 10 times more than the people who actually want to look good and eat a balanced diet...

have fun fatties... when it comes to balance, you'll have a problem with being strict... but with this shit, i don't think you will...

Announcement

To all the people i'm training right now. I quit! I'm serious. I will not be training anyone for free anymore except 3 people. All 3 are good personal friends of mine. I'm only waiting for 2 of them to slip up (cuz i know they will, very very soon). The third, well, i must give credit where credit is due... i would seriously pay this guy money so i could train him! he is the best trainee i've ever dealt with. I know that for a fact he does not miss a meal even if his life depended on it. he doesn't cheat. He trains like a beast and he doesn't half ass anything. The guy gained 22 lbs of pure muscle in a very very short period of time. he makes me proud and as i said, i would pay money to still keep training this guy.
As i implied, if you're serious and i know it, i'll train you for free. other than that, i will charge. If you don't like it, don't ask for my help. Just in case you were wondering, No! i will not think that you are serious if you email me and say "i swear, i'm serious. i'm not like the other people you train. I'm dedicating, you'll see." 6 weeks later, i realize that dedication means you stick to the plan for 1 hour every fucking week.
If you're wondering why i'm doing this, i'll tell you. The past week i've been really stressed at work, yet i try to answer all my trainees questions as fast as i can. And most of them started to bug the shit out of me. They start emailing me shit like "why didn't you answer my email? I'm still waiting" if you're still waiting, you'd shut the fuck up and wait more till i get time. oh, the best of all... god, this guy ticked me off real bad "I don't appreciate people who promise something and don't deliver." ... that one just drove me insane... i just said fuck it... i don't need this shit... One of the best people i've trained has already switched over to train under phil, and he's really gonna be something... the guy is dedicated and hard working... THE best person i've ever trained is still under my training and i want to keep him that way... the rest... well... to tell you the truth, none of them have ever met half of my expectations.
Bottom line, don't do people any favors. Sooner or later they start thinking that favor is your duty towards them.

Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

The trip to Kuwait

Last week, the wife and I decided to spend eid and new year’s in Kuwait (when I say “the wife and I” you should know that it means my wife said she wants to go, and I had to agree or it was my balls on the line… :) just kidding, honey). There’s nothing like being over weight and sitting on your ass driving for 4-5 hours… yes, I’m over weight, true it’s muscle, but it puts a tremendous strain on my lower back and my right hamstring. Why the right hamstring? I don’t know, and I don’t give a rat’s ass. All I know is that it bugs the shit outta me. Anyway, when we got there, I discovered a very interesting thing. Kuwait does not have any street names! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see any. It just points out the names of the neighborhoods. I had a hell of a time finding the zoo! (I desperately wanted to see my relatives, the monkeys). Anyway, after getting lost ¾ of the time we were there, I discovered that Kuwait has two main streets, Corniche and Gulf street. To make a long story short, we decided to go to marina mall to have lunch and then go check in the hotel (again, you know what I mean by saying “we decided”… I’m kidding, honey). The mall was empty, but the food court was fucking packed!!!! And, man, I saw the laziest fat assed bitch I’ve ever seen in my life! I went to grab me a steak sandwich from that “steak and potato company” place, and I wanted some ketchup. They had those ketchup pressy thingy machines with the little paper cups like the ones that you pee in when you’re at the doctor’s… anyway, there was this fat… thing! Infront of me… I swear it took her about 6 minutes to fill 3 cups of ketchup!!! And when the fat ass beast bitch was done, it said “uffff… come here and carry this” AND HER MAID CAME AND CARRIED IT’S FOOD TO THE TABLE!!!!!! WHAT! THE! FUCK!?!?!? Anyway, later that night, we decided (hehehe, we… 7ilwa hal we hathi) to go to sharq mall… remember, I said night!... obviously, the Kuwaiti population starts multiplying after 6 pm… the place was fucking packed. And, I don’t want to generalize and say all Kuwaiti people are like this, but from what I saw… man… rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, perverted, ill behaved bastards… Far worse than Saudi men will ever be. The women? I really haven’t seen anything out of the norm. I’ve only seen what I like to call “make up abuse” and stupid trends that make women look like a walking mess. Maybe it’s a fashion thing, I don’t know! all I know is that it looks ridiculous. Some people might think I have no sense of “style”… but when people who define “style” are bald gay men that wear lipstick, I aint buying it. Speaking of gay men wearing lipstick, I shit you not, I have seen many “youngins” wearing fucking make up… and I mean young men, not young women. And it’s really pathetic when there’s a line in the mens bathroom… and that line aint for the toilets… it’s for the fucking mirrors. I’m not lying here.
Actually, the funniest thing happened when we were on our way back to Saudi. The immigration officer stamped our passports and we were in line for customs… then the guy came to my window and asked me to roll it down. I did, and he said “the person next to you, what’s your relationship?”… I told him “ummm… she’s my wife. Why?” he said “do you have any proof that she’s your wife?” … proof? I have to PROVE that she’s my wife? Well, I guess having a gorgeous woman in a banged up car with a guy so ugly he’d consider the words “damn, you look like mick jagger” a complement made them a bit suspicious. I told him that he’s got it on his computer, it should show up in his screen. And he told me to park my car and go to their “manager”… I went there and told him what happened. He told me that I didn’t need to show any proof, but asked if I had anything. I told him I had a copy of the family status card in my car. So, he said it was fine. I took the copy to the officer who stopped me (I don’t know why I’m calling him officer… more of an ass hole…) and showed it to him. He said “no no… I need the original, not a copy.” So I told him “look, your boss said this was fine… if you’re boss says it’s fine, I don’t see what the problem is” he just nodded his head and said “ok, I’ll let you go this time. But next time, I won’t unless you bring me the original.” I just took my copy and left… good old Saudi Arabia.

Over and over again

I know, I’ve probably said this a million times. But obviously, from people who email me, I need to say this again. YOU CANNOT FOCUS ON BURNING FAT OFF YOUR “MIDSECTION”!!!!
Also, PLEASE RETURN THE WEIGHTS BACK TO THEIR PLACES WHEN YOU’RE DONE WITH A MACHINE OR WHATEVER!!! You see those papers hanging all over the gym! They didn’t post them up there for you to say “oh, I’m sure they don’t mean me.”… I’m sick and tired of returning twenty 5 lb plates off the seated calf raise machine because some ass with 3 inch calves thought he’s too good to return the weights back. If you’re too fucking lazy to return the weights back, don’t go to the gym, ass hole.

Water consumption

For the past month, I’ve been drinking around 1-2 liters of water MAX per day… let me tell you, I feel like absolute shit. I remember a while back when I wrote about water consumption and what not, someone told me that he increased his water consumption for 2 weeks, I think, and he didn’t notice anything. Well, let me be the first to tell you that IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE! My face looks more pale than it used to, I get cramps, I feel like crap most of the time, my blood pressure went up slightly, and the color of my urine is really dark. And get this, I actually got as sick as a dog from not drinking water and eating like shit. I just fixed up my diet last Thursday and I’m starting to drink more water and I feel much better already. So, yeah, drink water.