It’s Official!!!YES!!! IT IS!!!! I have met the dumbest (non-legally retarded) person in the universe!! I am dumbfounded by the fact that this guy actually has a job in a bank as a teller!!! Let me tell you the story from the beginning. Around 10 months ago a friend of mine that I see on almost a daily basis told me that he heard that I have certain “information” about “chemical conversions”. I told him that I do, but I can’t give it out for free. He told me that he didn’t expect me to give it out for free. So, I told him how much I charged for that info, and he informed me that one of his close buddies was very interested and he’d give me a call. A few days later, he called me… probably the only phone call I’ve ever regretted answering in my life… I told him my price and we decided to meet up the next day. I met him… probably the only person I’ve ever regretted meeting in my life… I told him that I needed the money up front, and he paid. Then I started explaining. Let me tell you one thing… The info I gave him was so easy to understand, a 10 year old would know exactly what I was talking about. This guy had no fucking clue. Since this guy works in a bank as a teller, I assumed he’d have a background in 4th grade mathematics and a basic understanding of density and volume. I would not be surprised if this guy didn’t know how to spell his fucking name. I wrote down everything I had in 2 pieces of paper… IN EXTREME DETAIL!!!... I sent this guy an excel sheet, where he only had to plug in the number he wanted into a cell, and BAM! Everything would be right in front of him!!! But nooo… he’s too fucking stupid to even do that. When I was explaining shit to him, I kinda got the idea that he was basically… well… to be subtle about it… retarded. I was giving him an example that I wanted him to do by himself so I made sure he knew what he was doing… This is what I said “ok, let’s take 100 ml solution as an example… you take 10% of the total 100 ml of the solution… that’s your XX… now, how much XX should you add… 10% of a 100 is…???” the guy just looked at me as if I asked him what was God’s middle name… I said “10 ml… 10% of 100 ml is 10 ml… ok… let’s say you have 200 ml… what’s 10% of that?”… he said “10 ml…” … I knew I was in trouble. Now, if this was a 7 year old kid, I wouldn’t be mad… but a 28 year old who doesn’t know 10% of 100, which is the basic definition of a percentage, just blew my fuse. I knew that writing this shit down on paper would be useless… so I told him I’d send him an excel sheet where he just put down what he wanted, and the numbers would magically appear. Uptil this day, 10 months later, the guy doesn’t know how to do shit… he calls me every fucking week… and asks to meet me… the guy is from another city… and he doesn’t know how to get to anywhere… so we meet at the only place he knows… which is a 35 minute drive from my house… and the guy is usually an hour late… and he talks slow… so that’s a waste of 3 hours for a 5 minute job… he calls me and says “I need to meet with you, it’s important…”… I ask him what’s the problem… I can solve it on the phone… he says “no no… it’s very complicated and… I can’t explain… we need to meet.”… it’s usually something very stupid that a cow could solve… but since his IQ is that of a rock, it’s very difficult for him to do… why don’t I ditch his ass? Because I tried… I saw his number on my phone last week and just ditched the fucker… then his friend (whom I see almost everyday) called me… apparently this guy is like a brother to him (I’d disown my brother if he were that stupid to tell you the truth) and he started asking me to answer the phone and what not… the guy I know is a very nice guy… so, I can’t be an ass hole to him… so, I called retardo and asked what he wanted… he kept saying “you ripped me off… you told me to open up a hushmail account to do xxxxxxxx and you lied to me about it… you stole my money… you blah blah blah”… now, I have a reputation to maintain… so I promised I’d meet him before he fucking opened his mouth… this one really tipped me over the edge… when we met he was all upset and whatnot… you know what the problem was? In hushmail.com, if you don’t check your email at least once every 3 weeks, they’ll lock it. And they post this big red sign that says “your account has been locked because it wasn’t accessed in more than 3 weeks. Please create another secure email address or pay $xx.xx to activate the account with xxx MB of space yada yada yada…” … now this is all written in large, red, bold fonts. It’s the only thing written on the screen. It turns out that this retard doesn’t even know how to read a word of English. He thought I hacked into his account and put that note for him. I just opened up a new email account for him and told him not to bother me… I gave him what he paid for… and I called his friend and told him that if he brings anymore retarded customers, I won’t talk to him again. Fucking retards… I swear to god, some people are just so stupid, they make you wonder how they could figure out how to breathe.
I got sick
Thank god, and too bad. Again, throat infection and shit. Good thing I got sick now… my vacation is in 3 days, which means I’m hopefully not gonna get sick during my month off!! The bad part is that, I haven’t had a decent weekend in a loooooooooong time. Last weekend (which was the only weekend I had in July that I didn’t spend in the field) I promised my wife and my sister in law that I’d take them to Bahrain. We were supposed to leave at 1 pm… on our way, my car just heated up and I found a leak in one of the radiator hoses. I had to drop my wife and her sister off at their parents house, take my car to the shop, wait in the fucking heat and humidity for 2 hours, go back home, take a shower and wear new clothes because I stink, went back to pick my wife and her sis up, and then left at around 4:30 pm… so yeah, it was pretty fucked up.
My new supervisorIs SSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The guy came to me a week ago while I was working on my computer (working… pfff… yeah right).. and just gave me a back rub (gay… but it felt really good somehow)… he said “why the hell do you work so damn much… go out and have a cigarette… go get yourself some lunch or something… take a damn break”… when I gave him my overtime sheet, he just saw the hours and said “3 hours on the weekend? Are you crazy? They ruined your weekend and you only put 3 hours down?” I told him that I was being honest and that’s how long I spent.. he said “no no… 12 hours… and change every damn weekend to 12 hours of overtime… you’re underpaid anyway… try to make an extra buck whenever you can”… I didn’t go to work yesterday cuz I was very sick and I had a very high fever… so I went to the doc’s to get some of those tough anti-biotics (the shit I have isn’t effective anymore… don’t know why.. maybe the infection is too strong)… and I got a note… today, I went to the supervisors office and told him that I had the doctor’s note in my car… he looked at me and said “you should be ashamed of yourself… this isn’t prison! Hell, you want to take the whole day off for no reason, go ahead… just do your work and you’re done… doctor’s note… pffff…” Then, I handed him my vacation form today. He looked at it and said “so, your first vacation day is Sunday, hah?... are you coming Saturday?” I said “ofcourse I am…”… he said “what the hell for? Like you’re gonna do something important in one day? Just stay home and sleep… don’t worry about it.” … coolest dude I’ve ever met…
But I know why he’s nice to me… he wasn’t nice before… but, a couple of weeks ago, we were only 2 engineers in the unit and we had an extra rig coming in… so our supervisor called us up and said “ok… listen… here’s the situation… one of you has to give the 2nd quarter performance presentation tomorrow, and the other has to handle the new rig in uthmaniya… you wanna flip a coin?” I just said it won’t make a difference to me… and other guy said he wanted the rig… so, my supervisor gave me the old 2nd quarter presentation and told me to “make it pretty”… now, I know nothing about this shit… NOTHING… seriously… I just put pretty colors and animation and all that crap… changed some of the wording cuz it was all fucked up… the next day… supervisor man rushed in my cubicle and said “do you have your presentation ready?” I was like “yeah”… so he said “come on. Let’s go”… suddenly he rushed me to the building next door.. which was the “special occasions” building… huge room with tables and shit… even a buffet… I was like “WTF???” he said “yeah… all the managers, supervisors, and engineers are gonna attend…”… My mind was going “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK”… because any question they ask… I won’t be able to answer… I didn’t even fucking review the damn thing… Anyway, in this company, it helps when you’re a “meow meow”… for those of you who don’t know the term “meow meow”, it’s when you speak fluent English, without a stupid accent. Anyway, I gave the damn presentation… and no one fucking asked a question… except this American dude… ofcourse, I didn’t know how to answer so I said “I’m not 100% sure about it… but my supervisor could give you a better answer than I can… if you may” then my supervisor actually smiled and answered him… after the presentation… he was actually happy about me saying that, because he said he looked better in front of upper management… next thing you know, my manager was looking at me and smiling… fucker never knew my name… now he says “good morning hamad, how you doing?” every damn day. In this company, it doesn’t matter if you work hard… if you do a good or bad job… the “meow meow” factor is always the strongest.
So fucking embarrassingMy wife and I were supposed to meet with a couple who wanted to hire me as their PT. Now, I was informed by a friend that they wanted to hire me and not directly from them. So, I basically don’t know what the hell they look like. I told them to write down all the things they ate in the past week so I could do my work. Anyway, we decided to meet at starbucks. My wife and I go in, and there are only two people sitting there. My friend told me that the guy was thin and tall… the guy sitting inside was thin and tall… he was with a woman… they had a pad on the table with a lot of stuff written on it… so I thought “hey! It’s them… tall thin guy with his wife… they have a pad with all the stuff they ate written on it…”… so I went to this guy and said hello… he gave me the “hi… do I know you?” look… I knew I fucked up by the way this guy was looking at me… so I just kept saying “so, how’s everything… how’s the family?”… he said “they’re all fine il hamdullilah… excuse me, but, where do I know you from?”… I just winged it and said “didn’t you study in KFUPM schools?” and he said “no, but I know a lot of people from there… I forgot your name”… I said “it’s me… Hamad”… then he gave me the bullshit act… “OOHHH HAMAD!!! How are you bro? man… looks like you got hit by the sun… you’re a lot darker than you were”… in my mind I was saying “are you calling me a nigger?” … then a guy tapped me on the shoulder and said “hamad?”… I was like “THANK GOD!!!” looked back… damn this guy was tall… around 6’3 … anyway… they seem like a great couple and very intelligent, too………. For a change :P
