Being “Practical”

This is a new excuse a lot of people are coming up with just to shut me up. “Yeah, I would be able to do that if I had all the time in the world and wasn’t busy, like you. But it’s just not practical to do that. You’d waste a lot of time getting things ready and exercising… it just doesn’t fit into a normal person’s schedule.”

Well fuck me sideways! Who would’ve thunked it?

Let’s see what people consider practical these days:

- spending 8 riyals on half a sandwich and 100 ml of fruit drink is practical

- driving for 25 minutes during your lunch break to McDonald’s, waiting in line for 10 minutes to order, waiting 3 minutes for a 20 riyal lunch (which is considered cheap), spend 5 minutes eating it, drive back for 25 minutes to work and arrive late (if you’re lucky enough to find parking) is practical.

- Playing world of warcraft for 7 hours everyday is practical

- Spending 12 hours in chat rooms while eating chips and drinking liters of soda is practical
- Taking 3 hour naps in the afternoon is practical

- Playing halo 3 and baloat (card game) for 5-7 hours everyday is practical (wink wink, bitches)

- Driving around like the retard you are (cruising for no goddamn reason) for 4 hours is practical (even at the age of 32)

- Watching tv for hours on end (could range from 1 hour, to 500 days) is practical.

Now, let’s see what these people consider being “not practical”:

- spending 2-3 hours PER WEEK to get your food ready for that whole week is not practical

- spending 5 minutes eating your planned lunch during your lunch break is not practical

- spending 300 riyals per week on your groceries is not practical, but eating lunch and dinner in one day for that price is.

- Working out for 3 hours PER WEEK is not practical, napping 3 hours PER DAY is.

- Sleeping 7-8 hours per day is not practical, but staying up at night playing halo and baloat or watching tv, or playing warcraft for 6-7 hours and sleep for 3 hours after that is practical.


I hope you see where I’m going here…

Seriously, there are some retards who won’t even get the point of me being sarcastic here and say “yeah, you just said it. It isn’t practical.”

Not eating after 6 pm

We’ve all heard of this stupid ass myth… but where did it come from??
Most people who heard it and think they know a think or two about calories and metabolism (yitfalsafoon min 3’air sana3) thought of it this way “well, as the day goes by, your body burns less calories… so after around 6 pm, your body won’t burn any calories. So anything you eat will turn to fat.” … close, but no cig… wait, not even close!!! What the hell??? Lets see here… when you sleep, you burn 70 cals/hr (average). So, lets say you slept for 5 hours, that’s 350 calories, you have 19 more hours during the day, and the average mid sized individual burns around 2000 cals per day without exercise, so that’s 1650 calories left during those 19 hours. So, if you went to bed at 1 am, to wake up at 6 am… you’ll have 12 hours to burn 1650 calories, because it’s a well known fact that you don’t burn any calories after 6 pm. So, basically you will be burning 138 cals/hr… ummm… yeah… I don’t think so.
Average person burns 90 calories per hour while he’s awake, and 70 calories per hour when he’s sleeping.

Where did this myth come from??? I’LL TELL YOU WHERE IT CAME FROM!!!!
EATING OR DRINKING A LARGE MEAL RIGHT BEFORE BED (10-20 MINUTES BEFORE BED) WILL MOST LIKELY CAUSE ACID REFLUX PROBLEMS LATER ON IN LIFE!!!!
And that’s where this shit came from… a doctor would tell you not to eat before bed, without giving a rational explanation (doctors don’t have to explain themselves, cuz they’re “god” status)… that person understands as to not eat after 6 or 7 pm… that person would try to figure out why… and most rational thing he could come up with is “anything you eat after 6 pm will turn into fat!!!”…

Which basically proves my point in my previous post about people not knowing shit about nutrition, human physiology, and exercise…

Fad Diets: why they "work".... you fucking retards



yes, i have had it with idiots who think fad diets (110% of the diets out there) work. I have had a talk with someone today that made me want to post this, because that person was being hard headed... why? because that person lost 20 lbs, and when he quit the diet, he gained 30 lbs and blamed it on being "busy".



the grapefruit diet, rice diet, atkins diet, israeli army diet, hollywood celebrity juice diet, liquid diet, lick your own ass diet, stick your finger in your ass and smell it diet, try to touch your nose with your testicles diet... all that shit... this is why they fucking work!!!



The begining:



you wake up, no breakfast at all... maybe a glass of juice (120 cals of sugar)... go to work or school... eat an egg sandwich and drink some fruit DRINK (300 calories of sugar and fat, and 30 calories of protein)... you drink coffee or tea with coffee mate and sugar (100 calories)... you go out to lunch at chili's or the dining hall or mc d's (1500 calories minimum even if you don't eat much), go back to work or school... chocolate bar (300 calories)... go out with your friends after work or school and eat some chips and a red bull (300 calories)... having dinner at mc d's again or chili's or wherever late at night (another minimum of 1500 calories)... you have consumed 4000 calories of pure junk in your normal day.



Desperation:

after gaining over 60 lbs of fat during the past 4 years because you are lazy and don't know shit about what you eat... you eat pure junk... you are what you eat... that makes you junk... you look down at your belly and your ass and say "where did i go wrong? i want to end this... i want to get rid of this... now!!!... i will ask my barber for advice"...



The initiation:

after gaining another 20 lbs in 2 more years of being lazy and not getting off your ass (but you still cry about your sorry fat ass), you get an email about how grapefruits burn fat, or this new rice diet, or atkins, or any other crap diet out there which will ruin your health and you say "hey! people have been losing 20 lbs in 2 months!! i'm sure this will work!!"... oh, it will work... it's like saying "i want to change the color of my car... i have 2 options... i can take it to a shop and pay them to paint it for $2000... or, buy 2 cans of spray paint for $1.20 and spray it myself!!!... I'LL BUY THE SPRAY PAINT!!!".... but you don't know what's next... read on



The process:



first week, you dropped 5 lbs... wow!! this shit is working... but hey... the scale moved, but my reflection in the mirror didn't change... hmmm...

second week, you dropped another 5 lbs... WOW!!! I LOVE THIS... MY WAIST IS SMALLER!!... but... hmm... my legs are really skinny now, and my arms look really skinny... although my waist got smaller... it fucking looks bigger in the mirror

third week, drop another 3 lbs... shit, it's slowing down... and i'm getting "loose skin"... hmmm.. i know! i'll exercise!!! i'll jog for 90 minutes everyday after dinner!!!

fourth week, you drop another 8 lbs... holy shit!!! 21 lbs in 4 weeks!! this is the best diet on earth!!! my weight is down from 240 lbs to 219 lbs!!! i'm the man!!! but... hmmm. this loose skin is bothering me...

fifth week, you drop 5 lbs...

sixth... 2 lbs...

seventh... NO MORE WEIGHT LOSS!!! ... what the hell? i'll wait til next week.

eighth week, FUCK!!! no more loss.... i'm starving... i exercise everyday... what can i do??

ninth week, waaaahhhaaaaaa... why????? why did my weight stop dropping??? waaaaaaaaah

tenth week, fuck this shit i'm going to mc d's...

eleventh week, shit... i'm up 12 lbs??? in one week??? screw this shit... i'm tired of the diet... i've already lost weight, and loose skin can only be removed by surgery... so... hell, i look good. people can tell i lost weight.

12th week, FUCK!!!???? i'm up another 10 lbs????

13th week, WAAAAAHHAAAAAAAA.... i'm back to 240 lbs...

14th week, i hate my life... 250 lbs



the explanation:



you were eating 4000 calories of junk... now you eat 500 calories of grapefruit or other crap in your diet (most diets START OFF AT 1200 CALS PER DAY!!! FAD DIETS, THAT IS!!!). so, you have a drop of 2800 calories per day... this will burn around 2/3 lb of muscle 1/7th lb of fat if you're lucky. so that's around 5 lbs per week... in 2 weeks, your metabolism will start to get shot to shit... so, weight loss goes down, and now you lost mostly muscle. so, you have very little muscle holding your fat ass up, and you try to convince yourself that it's "loose skin" to make you feel better.

when you start exercising... your body panics and drops muscle at an alarming rate... you won't have any energy to even scratch your lazy ass. in 2 weeks, no more weight loss cuz your metabolism and body are shut down... there's no point in dropping calories cuz you're already starving to death (even if you don't feel it)...

after you binge on junk again, your body is like a kid in a candy store... it wants everything to turn to fat and get stored. it thinks it's its only chance to get food and store it for 2 weeks...

you will get fatter and fatter...



it would be hard to say that it isn't true... cuz you know it is... and you've seen it all the time... almost every one who goes on a fad diet, loses weight fast... then gains it back and then some in record time after stopping. and these diets aren't meant to be long term.

If you want to lose the fat... trust me, if you are "moderately overweight"... what people today call "healthy looking", you will need atleast 6 months to look "normal". By normal i mean you don't look fat, you don't look thin, and you don't look like you workout. if you are "fat" by people's standards these days, which is the top limit of being overweight and stepping into being obese... don't expect to look normal in less than 1-1.5 years. if you are obese... depending on how big you are (250 lbs, 300 lbs, 350 lbs, 400 lbs) it will take you anywhere from 3-5 years to look normal.

if you are saying "but my friend lost 120 lbs in 4 months and he looks great... why do i have to wait for 2 years?", then go to your friend, take his advice, fuck up your body, fuck up your health, get that "loose skin" EVERYONE is complaining about, then ... when you are unhappy, and depressed about what you did to your body... get back to me.

bottom line, the average college graduate (and most above average college graduates) know NOTHING about nutrition, human physiology, exercise, or recovery. and i mean NOTHING!!! the only things they know sound like this "my friend says that a slice of cheese cake has more than 3000 calories... so i won't eat cheesecake"...
If you don't know shit about the subject, instead of blindly reading a book that's out there to make money, and doesn't make any common sense what soever (with the premise of eating something extra and it will burn fat), don't believe it. educate yourself.

People are out there to make money... the diet industry is a 20 billion dollar industry... 20 fucking billion!!! (this was back in 2005... i think it doubled now)... why do you think they're making more money, while people are actually getting fatter? you think about that for a second... please... think about it for a second.

If a certain drug company promises a cure for the flu... and came out with a drug that costs $200... if you see the rate of people who got the flu in a certain season increasing after they released this drug, what would you conclude?




To all the gold digging whores out there... this is why no one fucking wants you!!!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
this should be a lesson to all the saudi women who say "I won't marry anyone unless he's a multi millionare"... and when you ask her:
can you cook?
"no"
can you clean?
"no"
can you do dishes?
"no"
can you take care of children?
"no"
do you work?
"no"
do you want to work?
"no"
do you have an attitude problem?
"no (yes)"

then what can you offer?
"what? what do you mean what can i offer? i'm beautifu (butt ugly), my body is to die for (looks like a 12 year old fat boy's body), and he should thank god he's with someone like me because i'm classy (bitch)"

wake up you dumb shits... no wonder you end up alone most of the time.. unless you trick of those millionare retards (we have a lot of them here... you know the kind... "daddy died... WHOOPIE I'M A MILLIONARE!!"

read this:








Single%20girl%20in%20New%20York.pdf

New work place

yup, i'm finally a 5 minute drive away from home. i get to have my 3rd meal at home :) yippie!!!! anyway, i still don't have an office assigned for me... yes, it's actually an office. no more cubicles and shit. but the parking spaces are a bitch!!!
been through a lot of stupid comments... supervisor saw me for the first time and asked me where i was assigned before this... i told him drilling... and he said "so, they made you drill wells with your hands?? hah hah hah (fat man laugh)" ... was kinda expecting that and just gave a fake laugh to shut him up. General supervisor saw me and asked "did they make you carry the casing on your back? heheheheeh (thin old man laugh)"... i just laughed like i did before to shut this guy up... in every department i go to, there's always a guy who wants to "fight" with me... not fight as in cause trouble... but fight as in "hey, how about we step outside and I'll kick your ass!!" like they're joking. and the worst thing ever... the ultimate stereotype of bodybuilders being retards... this has happened 3 times now... i stand in an elevator with somone... i smile and say salam... and when they see me smile they wanna have a conversation for some reason... then they ask "so, are you a clerk?" or "so, you have a highschool degree?"... i mean... what the fuck??! ... so, yeah... the general idea is that if you're a bodybuilder, you're definately retarded and the only thing you understand is "i make lift for dis metal, i be big. mama, cook for me da food... NOM NOM NOM NOM"... fucking ass holes...


Something i have to mention here

In aramco (especially in dhahran), saudi employees always talk about the saudi secretaries like they're prostitutes or something. It's really sad the way they talk about them. I don't want to mention anything they say about them cuz really, it's too filthy. but i'll say this... whenever you hear anyone talking about a saudi secretary in aramco and how she "wants him" or how she "went out with this guy" or "i saw her at a club and she was drunk and all over people"... know that 99.999% of the shit they say is pulled out of their ass and they made it up.
what i can't understand is why isn't anyone talking about the irish secretary who has 3/4 of her tits hanging out and wearing pants so tight you can see her camel toe from 10 miles away?
yet they talk about saudi secretaries when they actually look decent and wear abayas to cover up their bodies... Meh

Alli

Oh god... a new over the counter "fat" pill that is actually approved by the FDA... not only is it retarded, but it's actually approved by retards!!! you remember xenical? yeah, it's like it but anyone can buy it without a doc's perscription. it promises 50% more weight loss and 99% less intelligence!! it "binds" to the dietary fat in the intestines and prevents it from being absorbed. hence, you don't absorb any fat. but don't worry, it won't affect your brain or other organs cuz it works on dietary fat only.
pathetic really... last ten years or so, it was CARBS who were bad... now they went back and they say FAT is bad... when will idiots learn... protein is good, carbs are good, fat is good... moderation is key... overeating and eating junk is BAD!!! that's it... simple...
this brings me to another point... losing fat, and dropping weight... why is everyone so fucking concerned about dropping weight??? all i ever hear is "i need to drop 30 lbs"... how the fuck do you know that? "ummm... because that's my healthy weight range"... ok... fair enough... which is healthier, being 150 lbs at 7% fat, or 150 lbs at 20% fat? they're all in the "healthy" weight range... so, which one would you want to be in? if you're 180 lbs at 35% fat and you want to drop to 150 lb at 7% fat, it'll take you around 2-3 years to do it. if you want to drop from 180 lbs at 35% to 150 lbs at 20% fat it'll take you around 6 months to do so. do you see where i'm going with this???

Yahoo answers raised my blood pressure from 120/80 to 300/260

for the past couple of weeks, i've been logging on to yahoo answers and trying to answer some of the diet and fitness questions as best as i can. Judging from the no. of questions i've read (over 400) and from the number of answers i've read (over 1000), i can say with all certainty that people don't know shit about diet, exercise, health, and human physiology.
From what i've read over there, now i know how people think... please, if you have nothing to do with fitness or dieting or bodybuilding or whatever, tell me if i'm wrong:

1- situps burn the fat in your stomach and give you a smaller waist

2- eating healthy means eating anything other than candy bars, chips, sodas, and mcdonalds

3- doing situps, push ups, and yoga at home, is just as good, if not better, than going to the gym

4- lifting weights will make you look huge, so don't do it

5- if you want to "tone" your arms, do 500 repetitions of dumbbell curls with the 2 lb dumbbels every day

6- if you want your thighs to get smaller and to "tone" them, do yoga and stretch.

7- fruits and veggies are the healthiest thing on earth and they have no calories, so you can eat as many as you like

8- whey protein is a steroid and it will stunt your growth as a child

9- fat turns into muscle if you start training (by training i mean jogging or walking) and muscle will turn into fat if you weight train and become huge, then stop.

10- women should never lift weights or drink whey protein. because they will grow facial hair and a small penis if they do.

11- being fat is the new sexy, no need to go to the gym. only people with mental disorders go to the gym.

12- If you're fat, and you tried to diet down with 500 cals per day coming from "health bars" and it didn't work, you should just give up and be happy with who you are and how you look because your genetics won't allow you to lose weight.

13- make sure you eat lots of protein... like 40 grams a day... that's like 900 calories.

14- you should never focus on burning fat first... always focus on bringing your weight down in any way possible. when you reach a "healthy" weight, then start focusing on burning fat by doing sit ups.

15- train your chest everyday with high reps if you want it to get cut.

.
.
.
the list goes on and on and on...

fact of the matter is, if this shit were easy or simple or whatever... everyone would be lean and muscular. Then come the retards who say "well, i don't want to be lean and muscular... i like being a bit chubby better", or women who say "men like a little meat on their women"... yeah, meat is muscle... not fat... here's a little secret why men say that to women, because they want them to be hideous so that no one wants to even look at them cuz the men want to feel secure... and then they go cheat on them with a skinny prostitute in bahrain... anyway... face it, if lean and musclular wasn't the best shape a human being could be in, people wouldn't make the health and fitness industry a multi billion dollar industry... i'm not talking bodybuilding muscular... i'm talking about the guys and girls on the cover of mens health or mens fitness... you know, the kind that you look at and say "that's what plastic surgery, photoshopping, and steroids do to you... ekh... i'd hate to look like that" ... bodybuilders... well you just say "EKH!! FREAK!!" ... see the difference... why were the greek gods all portrayed as muscular and lean? get my point? in a primative sense, the strongest is the alpha male. lets face it....
anyway, it takes hard work... years and years and years of hard work... you need to change your whole fucking life!!... if you aren't willing to do that, fuck off and don't come up with stupid shit like you do. just fucking say "i don't know how to do this"...
If this shit was as simple as going to the gym, then tell me, why do 99% of the people who go to the gym look like shit... and look even worse after 2 or 3 years of training?
any diet that does not have all 3 macronutrients (proteins, carbs, fats) in reasonable amounts is gonna fuck with your health. Keto diets (atkins diet, but with healthy fats and such) are good if you will go on them for 8-12 weeks... it's not a fucking lifestyle... yes, you can live on fat and protein for the rest of your miserable life, but there are other things you need to worry about other than "survival". people can't understand that... they always think that there's a secret!!!
there must be a secret since only less than 1% of the human population is actually fit!!! the secret is knowledge, consistency, and will power. that's it... but people say "NOOOOO" ... "maybe if i eat only bananas and milk on saturday, peanut butter on sunday, chicken on monday, apples on tuesday... then i'd lose a lot of fat"... NO!!! you'd lose a fucking IQ point or two... not fat. I see all these stupid diets and shit, and people wasting the whole year spending a month on atkins, a month on the chemical diet, a month on the zone diet, a month depressed cuz they didn't get any results, a month on the blood type diet... and so on, and waste a whole year to only gain another 10 lbs of fat on their ass. IF YOU FUCKING LISTENED IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU COULD'VE DROPPED 20-30 LBS OF PURE FAT AND BECAME NORMAL!!!! but no... there must be a secret.
and then you have other people, like one of my clients, they expect results in a week... and they yell and imply that you don't know what you're doing, and in the end they say "yeah... this week i only worked out once, and went on the diet for 3 days... oh right... i'm going to dubai next week for a couple of days, what do you suggest? olive oil, whey andfruits? ummm... why can't i eat sushi... it's the same thing... ya3ni i can't eat sushi?...meh" ... that's what i have to go through every goddamn day. It used to be for educating people, but now i know that people are too dumb to educate regarding diet, nutrition, and exercise... now it's all about the money... i tell them what to do, i get paid... that's it... if they want to follow it, fine, their gain... they don't... i don't care, i'm getting paid for your fuck ups anyway...


hhhhhh.... that felt better :)

Open Mindedness My ASS!!!!

And we still wonder why the world hates muslims... god damn... we just couldn't "let it be" now, could we? ...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080304/ap_on_re_us/harvard_women_s_hours

In a nutshell, muslim women in harvard wanted the gym to be a female facility only during certain hours... and this shows "open mindedness" and respect towards them... no... this shows that muslims obviously can't respect rules and regulations that are in other countries, and can't respect their culture for shit... Why don't they ask for female only hours in shopping malls? since everyone gets a good look at them there? oh wait... yeah... you can wear "covering" clothes to the mall... but you have to wear spandex in the gym? what's wrong with baggy pants, a large t-shirt and no make up on in the gym???

you know... last year here in aramco, they suggested "co-ed" hours in the gym once or twice per week... i was excited cuz i can finally teach my wife how to exercise with correct form and look after her progress personally... but no... the people were furious!!! how could they suggest that... don't they respect our culture????? ... well, don't fucking go to the gym during those hours if you don't like it... they said "NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!! THIS WILL OPEN UP OTHER DOORS THAT ARE EVEN WORSE!!!! THERE IS NO WAY!!!" .... but when we leave our country, we want to take our culture with us...

fucking hypocrits...


Here are my comments on what they said:

"The majority should be willing to compromise," she said. "I think that's just basic courtesy. We must show tolerance and respect for all others."

***The majority should comprimise for 6 women? WHAT THE FUCK!!!??? basic courtesy my ass... you should show "tolerance" and "respect" for others... exactly... you went into their country, abide by their rules, tolerate them and respect them... for crying fucking outloud


"It's a pretty big breach of their moral and religious code for a man to see them with their hair uncovered and it's just not possible for them to be in a mixed environment," she said.

***go to the gym, wear a fucking beanie or a cap... does it have to be a hijab??? beanie does the exact same thing... wear baggy clothes... go to the gym at ackward hours... like fucking 5 am or something... that does not justify anything...

"Knowing it was requested by women of my faith — it's very understandable to me," said Shuman, 21, who figured he'd just come back later for his workout.

*** I wonder what the fuck he'd say if a christian woman said that she didn't want to exercise with men in the area.... he'd probably say "what? you sleep with every man on campus and you don't want a mixed gym? but you're a whore!!!" ... because that's what we were raised to say... but if she's of the same faith... meh!

AND THE KILLER!!!

An Associated Press reporter who went to the gym Monday did not see any Muslim women entering. Efforts to reach some of the women who requested the policy through the Women's Center were unsuccessful.

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! most likely, when they got what they wanted, they quit the gym and started eating krispy kreme...

Fat people are taking over (wait, they already took over!)

When i was done with my weighted chin ups, i made my way to the squat rack, where there's the only available bar to proceed with my barbell rows... on the immediate left side of that squat rack (two inches away from the rack, and right under where the bar was) was a middle aged and fat dude... he also looked like he had an IQ level of a rock (some people you can tell from their face... and soon enough, this guy will prove it to me)... i loaded the plates on the right side... but on the left side, the guy was in the way... so, i laid the plates right next to him and watched him on his green mat, laid flat on his back, doing what seemed to be the invisible bicycle race. I usually rest til i breathe normally, then i move on to my set... so when i was good to go, i said "excuse me"... and the dude didn't even look at me and said "la76'a (hold on)", and continued pedaling on his invisible bike. I just extended my arm while holding the plate and reached to the other side of the bar and barely slid the weights on... I didn't want to seem rude (because somehow, if someone already put his green yoga bullshit mat in the middle of the squat rack, you're the rude one if you tell him to move out of the way cuz you actually want to use that space and not waste 30 minutes pretending you're winning a triathalon)... anyway, i put on my belt and straps, gripped the bar... and looked to my left... the guy was still doing his cycling thingy and didn't give a shit... so, i started doing my rows and each time i tried to lower the bar a light lower to hit his head... he just stared at me like i was an ass hole or something... racked the weights, and he was still doing his cycly thingy... a minute later he was done... i was over him staring all the time, and when he was done, i gave out a little laugh (you know... like the "WTF are you doing" laugh)... fortunately, he left after that (i'm hoping it was due to feeling like an ass).... why am i telling you this?

because, you never see the serious bodybuilder or trainer hogging equipement and laying down mats in the dumbbell area doing lying reverse kicks or whatever the fuck they're inventing these days... you never see the bodybuilder putting a fucking boso ball or whatever it's called in the middle of the squat rack and do a "i'm getting raped and trying to get up" maneuver. you never see a bodybuilder walking at 2.0 mph for an hour hogging up the treadmill burning 100 calories per week while drinking redbull and eating a mars bar... it's always the fat fucks who are crowding up the gym... i have no problem if you're fat and you come to the gym to lose some weight and be fit or healthy or want to become a bodybuilder or whatever... hey, more power to you... but that fat person who wants results represents less than 0.0001% of the fat fucks in the gym who only go there to talk, eat, and come up with excuses for not losing weight... like the famous "i tried everything... even going to a gym for 6 months, and i couldn't lose weight"

I know there are fat people that are gonna read this and then post in the comment section saying "you're mean... you have no respect for fat people... and btw, i'm not fat... i just like to defend fat people for no reason"... fact of the matter is, fat people make the gym a bad experience for everyone. and if you try to give them advice, they take it as if you just told them to fuck thier mother. and god forbid they see you doing a new ab exercise that they didn't know about... they'd jump all over you like flies and ask "PLEASE SHOW ME HOW TO DO IT!!!! THIS IS THE SECRET!!! I KNOW IT!!! I'M SURE THAT DOING THIS EXERCISE FOR 2 DAYS WILL BRING MY WAIST DOWN FROM A 55 TO 27!!!" ... and god forbid you tell them to diet... they immediately say "i don't eat much" while they're chewing on a donut.

Just a bit of advice to all the fat asses out there... if you aren't serious, don't come to the gym and fuck it up for all of us who actually are serious about working out. Go do something else! like, spend more time at work and get recognition... or stay home with your family... or go eat a fucking cheeseburger i don't care... just don't come to the gym... you want to complain about being fat and not being able to lose weight, fine... complain all you want, just don't come to the fucking gym!!

you wanna know how fit people feel when fat asses come to the gym and hog up all the equipement? it's like going to an obesity support group while you're at 3.5% fat with ripped abs and no T-shirt on and you start crying about that 0.2% fat that you need to lose, and how you feel worthless and shit like that... i bet fat people would just leave and say fuck it... or kick him in the nuts and feed him mayonnaise filled donuts.

that's what we say behind your backs, you know... "i wish i could empty a bottle of ephedrine down his throat...that might make him wanna jog a little"... or "lets put a lock on his fridge and cupboards and write the combination for the locks on his penis... so he can't open them til he loses some fucking weight"...

some people would say that i'm a prick for saying that... but come on... If someone entered the stock market with all his money and didn't know shit about stocks, economics, finance and whatever (like yours truly), and loses all his money... you wouldn't say "aawww poor guy", you'd say "how fucking stupid can you fucking be?"... and if he says "well, my barber told me to put my money on this stock"... you'd tell him that he's an even bigger ass for doing that... that's what we think of fat people who go to the gym and say "my sister's cousin's plumber's boss told her that he heard on the internetz that if you eat one grapefruit a day and walk around in the gym for 2 hours, you'd lose 50 lbs of fat a week"... get someone qualified to teach you this shit... it aint easy... if it were easy, obesity wouldn't be such an epidemic!! i swear, these days people look at overweight people as fit, and look at obese people as having a bit of a weight problem, and look at the 500 lb'ers as obese and not big blobs of fat that are good for nothing... It has become so difficult to lose weight, that people are changing the way they're thinking just to feel better about themselves... FOR GOD'S SAKE, PEOPLE THINK OPRAH IS THIN!!!! SHE WAS A WHALE!!! NOW SHE'S AN ELEPHANT!!! ELEPHANTS AREN'T THIN!!! THINNER THAN WHALES, YES... BUT THEY'RE FUCKING FAT... LIKE OPRAH IS!!!!


and that, my friends, is why i charge so much money :)

Hidden talents

Sometimes you know people for a long ass time, then you discover that they have a talent that they don't tell anyone about... I've known my sisters in law for more than 4 years now... and i just found out last week that Tifa was an AMAZING artist... my wife showed me some sketches and my jaw dropped... especially when someone like me saw them (my handwriting and drawing looks like chicken scratch... chicken scratch after the chicken went on a long night of drinking... even doctors would say "DAMN, SON! THIS HANDWRITING IS AWFUL!!!".... so i'm easily impressed, but this shit blew my mind!!)... here are some of my favorite drawings ( i got tons more if you want me to post'em)