Excerpts from the diary of a pissed off bodybuilder

The difference between men and women in solving a problem

Man (A) to man (B)

A: I need to pick a number between 1 and 10
B: 5
A: ok. Thanks

Woman (A) to man (B)

A: I need to pick a number between 1 and 10
B: 5
A: you see, I think of numbers as colors… 1 is red, 2 is blue, 3 is
B: 5
A: when you mix the colors together, you come up with different numbers like 12, and 15
B: 5!!!!
A: I don’t know why life is so stressful and full of choices! It’s so hard to pick a …
B: 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5!! 5!!! 5!!!!!
A: I was talking to my friend about this, and I don’t know, she told me it might be good to pick 1, but it also might be good to pick 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 10… we’re so confused!??
B: WTF?!?!?!? I’M TELLING YOU!!! 5!!!
A: I know it won’t make a difference what number I pick, I mean, it’s just a question a friend asked me, but I don’t know… Why doesn’t anyone understand me?
B: YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! I TOLD YOU!!! 5!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO ON AND ON ABOUT THIS WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A SOLUTION?!?!?!
A: you know, you’re an asshole. You need help. All men are the same. They’re all stupid assholes who don’t understand life. You need therapy. Why do you treat me like shit?




Conclusion: men like solutions… women don’t. they just want to talk… listening to the callers on Dr. Laura’s show makes me want to shoot the radio.


Winter

It’s here… get ready for alligator lips…happens to me every goddamn year. I look like a crack addict.


Fybogel

Use the damn thing!!! It’s been about 6 weeks straight now since I’ve started using it again (except for 3 days when I ran out and was too lazy to go get more), and my digestive system and GI track are… well… WOW! … It would be too graphic to explain here, but just trust me on this. 1 pack in the morning with breakfast is all you need, but be consistent! You’ll know what I mean when you do!... AND DRINK 3-6 LITERS OF WATER IF YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE IT!!! if you don’t drink water, it will have an opposite effect… cement like plug if you will.


Work

I’m number 2

1: I really expected more out of you
2: well, I came to you 3 times and asked for goals and things to achieve while I’m here, and you never even told me what you expected from me.
1: yes, but we need you to be more productive.
2: other than monitoring wells, what did you expect from me? What do you want me to produce? I’ve only been working here for 6 months, and I have no one to help me understand what’s going on. The only answer they give is “play with the numbers”, I don’t think that makes any sense.
1: But I haven’t seen any output from you.
2: Because I have no work to do and you aren’t willing to give me anything to work on. Whenever you ask for something, I do it for you in a matter of minutes. Just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.
1: we need more contribution from you.
2: ok. Sure. Whatever. So what shall I work on?
1: talk to anyone in the unit and see if they have any projects for you.



I’m contemplating molding a piece of ruffles feces into the shape of an oil well and handing it in as my project. Seriously, I’m starting to hate it here. I feel like I’m talking to a recorded message that says “do more… do more” and never tells you what to do. As I recall, this is a goddamn development program, not a “try and pull work out of your ass, we don’t want to train you” assignment… I’m really starting to hate this place.
Let me put this in a way a lot of people could understand. Imagine if someone told you “I really expected you to arrive at the location on time”… and the original assignment was “I want you to drive around the city for a couple of hours… just drive then stop somewhere.” And you just arrived in this city that you’ve never seen before and know nothing about. Meh… whatever.