Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

Again with this delusion crap!

A while ago, I was invited to dinner at a friend’s house. We were talking about the usual crap. He then told me about the Egyptian trainer at the gym who annoyed him to the point that he started weight training just to shut him up (my friend only does cardio). Then, one of the women there started with the whole “yeah, I have a great trainer now. The first one was crazy! She made me do squats with 10 lb dumbbells!!!!! I was like ‘that’s insane!’ I was gonna turn into a man with all that muscle! My thighs got huge in a week! After starting with the new trainer she’s making me do bodyweight squats to tone my legs and they look much better” …
I really didn’t give a crap at that point. Delusional people usually think that they grew 27 inches on a certain body part the day after training it because they feel sore. Let me tell you this with all honesty, my forearms were bigger than her quads.
Anyway, that wasn’t what bugged. What bugged me was what she said after that! … “guys are lucky… they just spend a week in the gym and their body’s fixed. They immediately get muscles and lose fat”… I got fucking furious.
Is that what people really think?

A couple of months ago, one of the guys at work kept telling me about his friend who is “just like you, but a lot bigger. And he’s not ‘bulked’ like you, his muscles are real”… I don’t know what the fuck that meant, but it’s common knowledge that when you see someone big, his muscles aren’t real. I guess they’re just mosquito bites or something. Anyway, his friend is working in the same building as I am now. We were all in the elevator and he said “this is my friend I told you about.” …
Let me just tell you this… really, just trust me on this… if you are borderline overweight, on the verge of being obese, and most of your fat is on your arms and chest, just tell people you workout a lot and you’re a bodybuilder. Tell them it’s not fat, it’s just muscle but you need to train it with high reps to make it solidify or some crap like that. They will believe it, and they will tell everyone that you are a bodybuilder and you have an awesome physique.



The Doctors

Anyone seen that show? I watch it whenever it’s on. Usually, it’s interesting… up until there was a shameless plug of a celebrities DVD about dancing to get fit and firm and whatever terms they use these days. I forgot the celeb’s name, but she was one of those old celebrities who had 17 face lifts, botox everywhere, and a fucking Brazilian butt implant. How do I know? You can’t have an ass as big as J-Lo’s pile of pizza dough and firm while at the same time have 12 inch quads. Anyway, they kept on praising this new “revolutionary” idea of getting fit while dancing. Ok, let me tell you about this epic fail of an idea… go to any club on a Saturday… what do you see? Fat, out of shape women… what do they all do? They dance from 8 til 2 am all methed up and shit. How come they aren’t in shape? Oh yeah… right… they don’t do it frequently. Yeah… ok, how many of you tried “exercising” for a couple of weeks and saw absolutely no results? Yeah, most of you.
There are no revolutionary ideas that will work
There are no 1000 calorie diets from nutritionists that work
There is no new exercise equipment you order online that works
There are no supplements that will do the work for you
There are no new “whacky” ideas that’ll increase fat loss or whatever

I was having lunch with my family last week and they brought up the whole “nutritionist home delivery crap”… you know what that is, right? You go to a nutritionists who memorized 2 books… it wouldn’t matter if you are 10 lbs overweight, or 100 lbs overweight… they’ll pull out a printed paper from under their desk that “personally fits your goals and body type” and tell you that this is the diet for you. 1300 cals of pure crap food. But you get a lot of protein from the 3 oz steak they give you. And the sugar free cheesecake will melt the fat away. Now, they will have all this food delivered to your house every day for around 3000 riyals a month. Oh, and you have to walk about 3 minutes per month. They will milk you til the last dollar and then tell you “we need to shock your body with a new diet” and then they give you some chemical diet or crap like that. And of course, you are stupid enough to believe all their claims and spend a year losing 20 lbs of muscle and losing 36000 riyals when you could’ve lipo’ed all that fat off for half the price…
Anyway… I got pissed and asked everyone on the table if they ever knew anyone who actually went down from being obese to overweight by following this crap?I've known a lot of people who actually paid for this crap for 6-12 months and they looked exactly the same after following it to the T. My mom immediately said “yes!!!” offended of course by me implying that the nutritionists at the hospital she works in are dumber than ruffles… “my friend ‘so and so’ at work lost a lot of weight on that program”… being the elephant that I am (bodyfat percentage wise, and memory wise) I said “wait, isn’t that the same friend who had her stomach stapled a couple of months ago?”… needless to say, the subject was immediately changed because my family hates having these conversations with me… we all know how they end.


Change of plans… cuz I suck!!!!

Yes, I’ve dropped the carbs, upped the proteins and fats, and decreased total calories. I don’t think I can make weight. Last Wednesday, I was depleted, overtrained, starving, and felt like shit. I checked the scale and I was fucking 191.5 lbs. that’s 4.5 lbs over the weight limit!!! And this is when I’m flat, dehydrated, and overtrained!!! I got a lot of sleep and A LOT of food in meh belly!! Friday, I just ate around 2000 cals and drank a lot of water. Woke up Saturday and I weighed 196 lbs. I drank a shit ton of water, cut out my carbs. Protein is at 300 gr, fats at 100 grams, and only trace amounts of carbs. Gonna keep it at 2000 cals for the time being. Cut my fat burners in half this week, and next week I’ll bring them back up. Cut out my second session of cardio this week, will either include it next week or start some high intensity cardio in the morning instead of low intensity (I usually lose a lot of muscle when I do that… I have to, gotta make weight). I drank about 1.5 gallons of water yesterday (Saturday) and woke up 3 times to piss at night. Woke up today… weighed 195.5 lbs. I still have a bunch of fat on me… I want to say it’s water, but I have to deal with the worst case scenario at this point.
Most people would lose weight when they carb up on the last few days before a contest. I actually gain weight. I keep my water high so that I don’t go flat. I would prefer being full and a little blurry than sharp and flat as hell. This would mean that I actually have to be 185 lbs or less on the Monday before the contest. It would suck really really really bad if I’m pushed to the heavyweight division because I’m 1 lb over the limit.
I’m at the point of wanting to quit right now… everytime I look in the mirror, I just see too much fat and stringy limbs. I’m a lot leaner and bigger than last year… my arms are ½ an inch bigger and waist is ½ an inch smaller… legs are the same size but more separation and vascularity is getting ridiculous. But the mirror still tells me I look like shit. I need to get some sun and tighten up my skin… but… I never thought I’d say this… sun isn’t strong enough these days. I tried a transdermal cream that is supposed to tighten up the skin, but it didn’t do shit. My nightly piss works better at that than this stupid cream. Love handles are still my main issue… they’re getting smaller, but I need them to be gone. We’ll see how it goes.
The real problem is… there’s no “thank god… it’s over!” after this contest… I still got a bunch of’em left…