Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

The trip to Kuwait

Last week, the wife and I decided to spend eid and new year’s in Kuwait (when I say “the wife and I” you should know that it means my wife said she wants to go, and I had to agree or it was my balls on the line… :) just kidding, honey). There’s nothing like being over weight and sitting on your ass driving for 4-5 hours… yes, I’m over weight, true it’s muscle, but it puts a tremendous strain on my lower back and my right hamstring. Why the right hamstring? I don’t know, and I don’t give a rat’s ass. All I know is that it bugs the shit outta me. Anyway, when we got there, I discovered a very interesting thing. Kuwait does not have any street names! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see any. It just points out the names of the neighborhoods. I had a hell of a time finding the zoo! (I desperately wanted to see my relatives, the monkeys). Anyway, after getting lost ¾ of the time we were there, I discovered that Kuwait has two main streets, Corniche and Gulf street. To make a long story short, we decided to go to marina mall to have lunch and then go check in the hotel (again, you know what I mean by saying “we decided”… I’m kidding, honey). The mall was empty, but the food court was fucking packed!!!! And, man, I saw the laziest fat assed bitch I’ve ever seen in my life! I went to grab me a steak sandwich from that “steak and potato company” place, and I wanted some ketchup. They had those ketchup pressy thingy machines with the little paper cups like the ones that you pee in when you’re at the doctor’s… anyway, there was this fat… thing! Infront of me… I swear it took her about 6 minutes to fill 3 cups of ketchup!!! And when the fat ass beast bitch was done, it said “uffff… come here and carry this” AND HER MAID CAME AND CARRIED IT’S FOOD TO THE TABLE!!!!!! WHAT! THE! FUCK!?!?!? Anyway, later that night, we decided (hehehe, we… 7ilwa hal we hathi) to go to sharq mall… remember, I said night!... obviously, the Kuwaiti population starts multiplying after 6 pm… the place was fucking packed. And, I don’t want to generalize and say all Kuwaiti people are like this, but from what I saw… man… rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, perverted, ill behaved bastards… Far worse than Saudi men will ever be. The women? I really haven’t seen anything out of the norm. I’ve only seen what I like to call “make up abuse” and stupid trends that make women look like a walking mess. Maybe it’s a fashion thing, I don’t know! all I know is that it looks ridiculous. Some people might think I have no sense of “style”… but when people who define “style” are bald gay men that wear lipstick, I aint buying it. Speaking of gay men wearing lipstick, I shit you not, I have seen many “youngins” wearing fucking make up… and I mean young men, not young women. And it’s really pathetic when there’s a line in the mens bathroom… and that line aint for the toilets… it’s for the fucking mirrors. I’m not lying here.
Actually, the funniest thing happened when we were on our way back to Saudi. The immigration officer stamped our passports and we were in line for customs… then the guy came to my window and asked me to roll it down. I did, and he said “the person next to you, what’s your relationship?”… I told him “ummm… she’s my wife. Why?” he said “do you have any proof that she’s your wife?” … proof? I have to PROVE that she’s my wife? Well, I guess having a gorgeous woman in a banged up car with a guy so ugly he’d consider the words “damn, you look like mick jagger” a complement made them a bit suspicious. I told him that he’s got it on his computer, it should show up in his screen. And he told me to park my car and go to their “manager”… I went there and told him what happened. He told me that I didn’t need to show any proof, but asked if I had anything. I told him I had a copy of the family status card in my car. So, he said it was fine. I took the copy to the officer who stopped me (I don’t know why I’m calling him officer… more of an ass hole…) and showed it to him. He said “no no… I need the original, not a copy.” So I told him “look, your boss said this was fine… if you’re boss says it’s fine, I don’t see what the problem is” he just nodded his head and said “ok, I’ll let you go this time. But next time, I won’t unless you bring me the original.” I just took my copy and left… good old Saudi Arabia.

Over and over again

I know, I’ve probably said this a million times. But obviously, from people who email me, I need to say this again. YOU CANNOT FOCUS ON BURNING FAT OFF YOUR “MIDSECTION”!!!!
Also, PLEASE RETURN THE WEIGHTS BACK TO THEIR PLACES WHEN YOU’RE DONE WITH A MACHINE OR WHATEVER!!! You see those papers hanging all over the gym! They didn’t post them up there for you to say “oh, I’m sure they don’t mean me.”… I’m sick and tired of returning twenty 5 lb plates off the seated calf raise machine because some ass with 3 inch calves thought he’s too good to return the weights back. If you’re too fucking lazy to return the weights back, don’t go to the gym, ass hole.

Water consumption

For the past month, I’ve been drinking around 1-2 liters of water MAX per day… let me tell you, I feel like absolute shit. I remember a while back when I wrote about water consumption and what not, someone told me that he increased his water consumption for 2 weeks, I think, and he didn’t notice anything. Well, let me be the first to tell you that IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE! My face looks more pale than it used to, I get cramps, I feel like crap most of the time, my blood pressure went up slightly, and the color of my urine is really dark. And get this, I actually got as sick as a dog from not drinking water and eating like shit. I just fixed up my diet last Thursday and I’m starting to drink more water and I feel much better already. So, yeah, drink water.