Excerpts from the Diary of a Pissed Off Bodybuilder

Things that we do for the sake of “doing it”

I was told that there was once an experiment done on monkeys that shows how “culture” works (I don’t know if this experiment was actually done or fabricated, but it’s totally believable). They took a group of monkeys and locked them up in a cage with a water hose and a banana hanging on top of the cage. Whenever a monkey tried to climb up and grab the banana, the guy conducting the experiment would spray him with the hose until he quit. Every couple of days they’d take a couple of monkeys out and replace them with new ones. They noticed that the old monkeys grabbed the hose and sprayed the new monkeys whenever they tried to get the banana. Now, they replaced all the monkeys for new ones except one. This monkey took the hose and sprayed every damn one of them whenever they tried to get the banana. Then they all quit trying to get the banana.

The monkeys don’t know why the fuck they were preventing each other from getting the banana… they had no clue… but it’s what the monkeys before them did, and the ones before, and the ones before them… they did it for the sake of “doing it”.

This is how culture works (IMHO). Sometimes, we don’t know why the fuck we want to do things, or why we do them, but we just “have to”. For instance, marriage! In our culture, if you turn 25 (or god forbid, 30!!) and you still haven’t gotten married, there’s definitely something wrong with you. Why? the explanation “well… everyone gets married at that age… it’s human instinct”… I’m very sorry to tell you this, but that’s not human instinct. Human instinct is to mate… intercourse… “good time, sucky sucky, ten dolla”… If you tell people this, they’d say “no, but god said that’s human nature”… and then you ask them “then why did god tell man that he could have up to 4 wives?” … then they start contradicting themselves and say “well, because it’s in man’s nature to be with more than one woman.”… Anyway, I got married because I wanted to get married and I’m the kind of person that likes to settle down, so to speak. Everyone who knows me knows that I’m that kind of guy… my brother is the exact opposite… he’s 30 now and he’s not married… poor dude gets bombarded with shit like “why, are you sick?”… he just doesn’t want to get married… but people can’t understand that cuz we’ve been doing it for around forever. The funny thing is, the same people who believe that shit say things like “man, marriage is the biggest headache you can imagine.”… no shit, Sherlock!

Another thing… kids! I’m sorry but in this point in life, I don’t want any kids… not now, maybe later I’ll want some… but not now… I don’t see the point in things like “wow, life is beautiful right now, I have a gorgeous caring wife, a nice house, enough money for whatever we need… mmmm… how about I fuck it up and have a kid!!! I’m sure life will be better!” that’s just my point of view. Most people I know can’t afford a new car, then they go have a kid (willingly! Planned!! Un-planned is a different story) thinking that life will get better. This is a human life we’re talking about. People just can’t comprehend the magnitude of this crap! The only answer they have is “well, look at me, I grew up just fine.” … yeah, well, too bad the majority of the world’s population didn’t grow up like you did. I don’t know, I might be turning this into a big deal, but I don’t like to take a human life that I’m responsible for lightly. If you are retarded like me, then you are probably getting sick and tired of all the “why won’t you guys have a kid already??! People will start talking!!” well… let them talk, see if I care. Are they gonna raise the kid? No, I am. So fuck them. But I don’t say that… I say more hurtful things (to our people)… “nah… I already know how it feels to have a kid… I have a dog. Same thing”… people really seem to get pissed off when they hear this.