The Stupid Contest… Here’s What Happened

1 day out
Wednesday night, at around 8:00 PM, I drank my last small bottle of water… after that, there were no more fluids. It sucked ass, I was thirsty 5 minutes after drinking it. I went to bed at around 11 PM because I needed to wake up early. I looked at myself in the mirror right before I slept, and I lost all hope of winning anything on Thursday.

Day of the show
I woke up feeling like crap and as thirsty as hell. Went to the kitchen, started eating what I had to eat (sorry, can’t tell). Took a shower, then put on the last coat of pro tan before the show to get as dark as possible. I watched a couple of episodes of “Heroes” with Mariam until 2 PM. I wore an XL T-shirt and a big ass sweater to hide my pathetic excuse for a physique. I drove off and the trip took about an hour (yeah, I drive slow… I really wasn’t in much of a hurry of making a fool outta myself). I got there, met the coach, and then all the ittifaq team bodybuilders joined up in a section of the locker room. The coach called us one by one to start posing and adding final touches to our “body paint”. First up was a guy in the 70 KG class… he’s been bodybuilding since 2001, and he looked like he started lifting weights 2 days before the show. He made me feel good about myself, and he made me think that I wasn’t the only retard making a fool out of himself. Then came Ali. GOD DAMN! After that guy took his shirt off, I wanted to go home and weep. I asked him what weight class he was going to compete in. I was expecting him to say 85 KG or 90KG… the guy was huge and dense as hell… and shredded to the freakin’ bone! He said “75 KG, inshallah… if not 70 KG” … In my mind, I yelled “THANK GOD!!!! I would’ve had to kill you out back if you were gonna compete in the 85 KGs… I don’t want to stand next to that bulldozer you call a body!”… I just smiled and said “well, congratulations on first place” … anyway, the coach called me out to start posing… and I really… really really really really really didn’t want to take my shirt off infront of everyone… it might give them a good laugh, but I didn’t feel like it. Anyway, I had to, so I did. To my surprise, the guys were cheering (sympathy? May be… most likely) but Ali was very honest with me… and finally, someone lifted my spirit by telling the truth… I’m sick and tired of “you look great… excellent”… that shit doesn’t fly… he said “the legs might get you the win… they have good size… good definition, but they aren’t dry. Chest is defined but small… arms, nothing wrong there (ya shai5)… back needs to be drier… abs need to be leaner… overall.. it’s great” … that gave me a big boost… I started smiling… talking to everyone… joking around … and then, at 5:20 PM … they started calling out the 65 KG class up on stage… I was like “DUDE!!! WTF!!!???” none of my friends arrived yet… 15 minutes later, faisal showed up… THANK GOD… then he said “sorry man… I need to pray… I’ll be right back”… CRAP!!! 20 minutes later, Jawad came along … YEAH BUDDY!!! He had the video camera and they just called out the 75 KG class… one more class and then it’s my turn… Mus’ab showed up… I was extremely surprised to see him and then he said “don’t worry man… I just came here to make fun of you”… GREAT!!! Seriously, I’m not being sarcastic… in some stupid weird way, when someone (I know well) starts making fun of me, I just get this mental boost of confidence. I don’t know why, I just do. I just know that whatever he doesn’t make fun of actually looks good… anyway… Bu falih showed up with his camera and the rest of the guys were waiting outside… a judge came in and said “80 KG, up on stage… NOW!!!” … OH SHIT!!! PUMP UP TIME!!!... jawad oiled me up quick (yeah baby :) … I fear this will haunt me and jawad for the rest of our lives as the gayest thing we’ve ever done… again!!!) and I started pumping up… thanks to Phil and his plan, I got a kick ass pump before going on stage…then the judge came back in and said “85 KG… on stage… NOW!!!”… I felt like I was gonna puke… rushed out… and no one was on stage yet… the coach was out and took me to the side and told me to pose and hold the poses to get a better pump… I did that and the guys started taking pictures… next thing I know, a judge came up to me and said “save it for the stage”… okey dokey smokey… a guy came out and went on stage… and followed… I looked back… no one else… WTF??!!... I was just me and him?? What the hell is this? aaah F*** IT!!! Went up and started posing… only 2 people on stage… oh well… let’s do this… I gave it all I got… again, just like last year, I started sweating bullets from the spot lights that were 2 inches away from my face. I was no. 23, the other guy was no. 22… the judges said “no.22, please step back… no.23, mandatory poses.” I started giving out the mandatory poses… and I heard all my friends cheering me on… I wanted to crack my face open by giving the biggest smile because of what my friends were doing for me… but I just kept saying “don’t smile so hard!!! Remember last time?” … god, you don’t even want to know how many stupid jokes popped out after the guys saw my pics from last year… anyway… bu falih even started telling people he doesn’t know to cheer for me… AND THEY DID!!! (thanks ahmed… that was as cool as shit)… the judges then said “no. 23, please step back… no.22, mandatory poses”… I wanted to relax when I was done… but I said “it’s only freakin’ me and him? What are they gonna do? Compare us for 20 minutes?” so, I started posing more (afa6’i el 7arrra). I’ve been dieting for a long time… long long long long time… for 6 minutes of looking like an ass and posing… “85 KG … thank you… step off the stage”… 6ayeb, say please step off the stage… if you will, step off the stage… moo 6arda ketha… Went in the locker room… didn’t even feel tired… not even thirsty… just drank a little water and said “it’s over”… all my friends rushed in … we started joking around, taking pictures and crap… it was hot inside and it was starting to become a task to breathe… so we went outside… I couple of cigarettes, some peanut butter cookies my wife made… good time… I just felt… happy… you know? Not because the contest was over… not because I spent 6 weeks not cheating on my diet and now I can eat whatever the f*** I want… but because all my friends were there for me… really… it made me feel like no matter what, they are people that will be there for me no matter what… and I just hope that I can return this favor to them.

Placing
At around 7 pm, the judges started calling the weight classes out one by one to announce the winners… I didn’t oil up again… it just felt too gay… pumped up by pushing myself off the wall… kinda like stupid vertical push-ups… didn’t feel like doing anything… “85 KG, get on stage”….went up there… started posing for 30 seconds… then the judges said “relaxed pose… second place winner…” … in my head I said “whatever… dude, get it over with”… “no. 22, abdulrahman blah blah blah” … I don’t know why… I don’t know how… but I felt like 2 metric tons dropped off of my shoulders and on to the ground… I couldn’t believe what I heard… so I waited… “First place… no. 23… mohammed mahloos”… I was like “that’s not how you say my name you dumb fuck!!! I corrected you twice while you were saying it when you weighed me in you retard!!!!” … in my head of course… anyway, I realized that I had won… It felt… weird

My Personal Thoughts
Everything in this world is relative. But there are certain standards one must live up to. I won because I look better, RELATIVELY, than the guy that was competing against me. I was lucky. But according to bodybuilding standards, I didn’t even deserve to be onstage. I was not lean enough, and I was not dry enough. Am I Proud of what I’ve achieved? F*** yeah I am! I’ve trained, dieted, and worked my ass off for this contest… the rest was up to god, then genetics. I don’t know if I will compete again… maybe I will, maybe I won’t. It depends on how I feel next year… But know this… I will never stop bodybuilding… never… I might quit taking it SERIOUSLY… but I won’t quit.

Today’s word is:
ABDOMINAL DISTENSION!!!!!!!!!


I would like to thank everyone who was ever involved in this “shebang” … and know that I thank you from my heart… and not from my right testicle

First and foremost… I’d like to thank my beautiful wife for being there with me every step of the way… cooking my meals, cheering me on, making me feel confident, and for turning my world into heaven…

I’d like to thank Phil Hernon for guiding me through every step of the way… I could’ve showed up looking much better than this, but I didn’t have enough time… I’ve only worked with Phil for 8 weeks… and 4 of those weeks were in ramadhan… so go figure. Btw, If anyone (not anyone, but people who take bodybuilding or fitness seriously) wants the best personal trainer in the world to work with you, and to help you achieve your goals, contact Phil at PhilHernon@yahoo.com … he’s one of the nicest persons I’ve ever met, and the greatest trainer I’ve ever had the chance to work with.

Of course, a special thanks to jawad for doing what only a best friend would do. You know what I’m talking about! LOOOOOL!!!

And a special thanks to the following people (not in any particular order) for being the best friends a guy could ever have and for supporting this whole freak show
Bu falih
Aziz
Ali
Tariq
Enaizi
Rashid
Basil
Adham
Sulaiman
Bandar
Ayman
Faisal
Mohammed
Ahmed
Mus’ab
Crazy moe
Fadhil
Faisal al olaiw
Hasan
Hussain
Shawqy
Mahmoud
Naji
Majed
Khalid
Big T
uzaib
Shono

I’m sorry if I forgot anyone… but still… thank you… and a special thanks to everyone who visits my blog… all 3 of you… LOL!!!

I will post pictures whenever I can…
Until next time… to infinite….. and beyond!!!