Excerpts from the diary of a pissed off bodybuilder
Things that make you go “WTF??!!”


Well, I gained an ass load of weight the past 6 weeks (204 lbs and rising), and I think my body hates it. I’ve always had high blood pressure (150/100 since I was 18) and now it’s really shooting up because of all this weight I’ve added, not to mention the retarded things I go through every day. Last week, I was having lunch with a couple of guys at work. Our lead engineer started talking about his college days back in LA (the guy is in his late 40’s). Suddenly, he started talking about bullshit stories that were so ridiculous, I almost took a dump on his plate. He was talking about how there was this couple that was fighting next door to him and in the morning he found the girlfriend dead with her head chopped off. Then he started talking about how his friend’s car tires got stolen. And when the police came, they decided to set a trap for the “black criminals” (you know how the police are… they have nothing else better to do, so they went along and made a trap for these guys). And about how he paid a black man to protect him from these white people that were harassing him… WTF!?!?!?! Dude… get real.

I went down to khobar last weekend to pay my installments for… well, long story.. anyways, the moment I step in the door this extremely obese Egyptian dude looks at me and says “YOU CAME JUST IN TIME!!”… in an Egyptian accent. I had the “what in the name of all that is holy are you talking about?” look on my face … so he says “I’ve just decided to go on a diet and lose some weight… what should I do?”… I hate that question as much as I hate diarrhea. So, I just told him to walk for an hour everyday (I really wasn’t in the mood to explain all the shit he needs to know cuz I’m sure he’ll quit on his second day). Anyways, I paid my installments and he started asking me about when I started to workout and what’s my diet like (those questions are kinda fun, until it becomes the thousandth time a guy asks you that… then it just pisses you off)… so I just told him I need to go cuz I’m in a hurry (it was Thursday and I needed to grab my chocolate crepe before prayer). Then, he says “just one more thing… can we arm wrestle?”. In my mind I was like “WTF?…” (I suck ass at arm wrestling… ask gugu ze ultimate). But he insisted. So, we arm wrestled, and surprisingly I beat him without trying hard. So he was like “call ismael, he’s strong.. call him… hello… ismael… come over here”… so ismael comes in and asks what’s wrong? And the guy tells him to arm wrestle me. And without hesitation, ismael sat on the chair and assumed position. I also beat his ass (I’m not bragging… I really suck… but these guys suck more). Eventually, I ended up arm wrestling 5 guys and my wife got pissed cuz she was in the car. I told her it would take 2 minutes to pay the shit and come back… well… I guess next time they’ll have to come to my house to get their money… cuz I’m not in the mood for arm wrestling people, winning, then paying them…

At work, I’ve become this diet and training “guru” (I hate that word… guru… wasn’t there a character in mortal kombat that had the same name?). anyways, one of the guys lost 5 kilos in 5 weeks after going on the diet and training program I’ve written up for him… so, other guys came rolling. There’s this one guy… OH MY GOD!!!
“I used to be thin when I was in college… I used to eat a lot.. now I’m fat… I want to be thin… diet? No no… I just want to be thin… exercise? But in college I was thin… why am I fat now… I want to be thin…. Ok… what should I eat? … potatoes??????!!!! But I eat potatoes … 8 potatoes… no… fried ofcourse… rice??!! I eat rice… half a cup? … I think I eat half a cup… is that the same as bukhari rice for one person? Chicken? Oh… I love chicken… 1 bukhari chicken… I eat it twice a day… what the hell are you talking about? Ofcourse humos is nutritious and good for you!! Hey… where are you going? Hey… wait… I want to be thin…”

WHAT THE F***!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?