I'VE HAD IT!!!!!

ok, you know what? fuck this. I really can't take it anymore. i'm as irritated as fuck... when i look at myself in the mirror i feel like i lost 5 inches off my arms although they're still at a little over 17.5" depleted... i lost more than an inch off my waist... all this in two weeks... but i'm as flat as hell, and look like a retard at work. i can't think straight, and i'm a sweaty little ass. i swear this is going way too far... i shouldn't diet in the summer. it's just too hot and my metabolism shoots up with all the fat burners and cardio and shit. I arrive at work with pit stains, back sweat, and forehead that looks like it was raining outside and i got wet. I switched to some clen instead of ephedrine (i was just sweating too much with that shit), and now i'm as irritated as fuck. i'm still sweating, and now shaking from the clen.
My pants are all 34-36 waist sizes... my work pants look like the old MC Hammer parachute pants, and my ass looks like i took a dumb in my pants. yes, the results are fucking fast and fucking unbelievable and i will post pictures in exactly 12 days, which is probably when i'm gonna stop this bullshit. I expect to stop when i hit 195 lbs or a 33 inch waist line... 1.8 inches off the waist in 4 weeks is exceptional for me. especially when i started off with a 34.8" waist and not a 40" waist... 40", i'd lose it faster. you know how it goes.
Visible lower abs and striations in my shoulders is in shape enough for me. that's my goal i wanted to prove to myself. that i could get in shape really quick if i wanted to. my only problem is my lower back, which i will solve later when i diet strictly and sanely for 16+ weeks. no more "tricks of the trade" bullshit. that's only if you're desperate. high crabs, high protein, moderate low fat every goddamned day with morning cardio... decreasing carbs slightly every other week... that's how it's supposed to be.
why am i quitting? because, i can't stand losing muscle size, even if it is just water (it's muscle size, isn't it? it's not about what's theoretically there, it's about what you see in the mirror). with a slow, strict diet (like i did back in december 2006), i actually got bigger while dieting down and only lost... what? ... 5 lbs? in 8 weeks? that was my only problem... i contacted phil when it was too late...
anyway, if it were anyone else, and they saw an inch decrease from there waist, 1/2" from their arms, smaller chest, smaller back... etc... (but surprisingly, bigger quads, hams, and calves!!)... they'd probably be extremely happy and it would motivate them to do more... not me... i have enough body image and selfesteem issues as is... so i say fuck it. twelve more days and i'm done with this shit.








funny thing is... no one at work, in the gym, or anything told me that i look smaller... the only people who noticed anything were my friends during the first couple of days of dieting because i lost so much water... and you will see how much water i lost from look at the pictures and looking at my face...

anyway... in a nutshell... fuck it.
I talked to bandar about a new plan recently. the opposite of what people are actually doing to avoid fat gain while gaining lean mass... i have an idea that looks good on paper... bandar and i will try it and i'll get back to you after 4 weeks of going on it (ofcourse, this is after i'm done with these 12 days).