Don’t kid yourself… That’s not cardio!!!


Sometimes people can’t help but piss you off in the worst way. I really don’t know if they mean it or not. You see, I train people for free. I write down diet and exercise programs for free. Every time I find a new piece of info, I give it out for free. When I get supplements for people, I don’t charge anything extra (hell, sometimes I take care of shipping charges for them). But still, they manage to f*** up in the worst way and I usually blame it on myself thinking I gave them a bad program… until I started seeing what they do in the gym paying attention to the little details in their diets. There is a common pattern of lies that I notice in my “trainees”. I will give examples of what these people say they do, and what they really do.

Subject #1
He says:
It’s been 4 weeks and I’ve actually gained a couple of kilos. I followed your diet exactly!! And I trained just like you said. Yes I did cardio. Very intense cardio for 1 hour every day. Yes, I trained with weights like you showed me.

What he really did:
When I write potatoes in the diet… he eats French fries. He decided to substitute olive oil with butter. He doesn’t like egg whites, so he replaced them with whole eggs. He doesn’t like the taste of chicken without the skin, so he decided to keep it in. tuna sandwich in whole wheat bread? He thinks that sandwiches at the cafeteria with 10 grams of tuna, 10 galloons of mayo, and white bread are the same.
Now for the training. None of the exercises he did were correct (although I showed him how to do them). He keeps jerking the weights up and down in a swinging motion. And get this… he jerks and swings… and the weights are only those pussy 5-10 lb dumbbells. Cardio you ask? 3 minutes on the stairmaster (at a very low speed) and he almost died. Very intense cardio for one hour MY ASS!!!

Subject #2 (I like to call this guy the skinny growler)

What he says:
I eat 7 meals a day like you said. Last time I checked it, it was around 4000 calories. I train about 4 days per week like you said. But the problem is that I’m not gaining any weight. I’ve tried increasing my calories and everything, but nothing seems to work. I’m thinking about using some steroids.

What he really did:
Now, this guy gained quite a bit of mass when he first started (beginner, plus, he was eating and training like he was supposed to). Then he hit a “plateau” which lasted about a year. Why? Let’s look at his diet.
Meal 1: cereal and protein shake
Meal 2: egg sandwich from the university cafeteria (only has one egg)
Meal 3: 6 inch subway sandwich
Meal 4: some snacks (chocolate bars, chips, soft drinks)
Meal 5: protein shake
Meal 6: 100 grams of tuna
Meal 7: 2 scrambled eggs

I don’t know how the f*** this is supposed to add up to 4000 calories… and it’s mostly junk.

Let’s see how he trains. His 4 days were actually 6 and they all had cardio in them (remember, he’s an ectomorph and he’s trying to gain weight). Usually, when I’m at the gym, I hear some screaming and yelling and I say “what the hell is going on?” pictures of someone benching 495 lbs or squatting 585 lbs pop up in my head. I go and see this guy leg pressing 90 lbs for 6 reps, screaming and yelling like a nut case. Who the fuck leg presses 90 lbs?? I know people that had numerous knee injuries and the least they can press is over 300 lbs for tons of reps. Anyway, this guy is hopeless… I tried reasoning with him… but he just went blank. When I was done talking, he would just ask “what’s the best protein powder you think I should use?”

Subject #3

What he says:
I’ve been going on your program for months now. I didn’t lose a lb! man, I think I should eat less or something. Yeah I do cardio. Jogging for about 50 minutes.

What he really does:
He goes on the diet for 2 weeks, loses about 6-8 lbs, then goes on a 4 weeks eating spree. I’ve seen him do cardio a couple of times. I can honestly say that I’d burn more calories by sitting on the couch than doing the same cardio he does.

Subject #4

This guy really pissed me off…

I gave this guy a diet and exercise program a while ago. I saw him in the cardio room a couple of weeks ago and he was on the stationary bike. The guy was peddling at a speed of 1 foot per hour. And… god I hate it when they do this… he was talking on his cell phone. So, I said “hey man, pick it up a notch. More speed”. Do you know what he said? “hey… I’m talking on the phone here!”… the nerve on that guy. What’s worse is he did cardio for 10 minutes during the phone call and then kept on talking and left the gym. Since he pissed me off so bad, I started giving him some wrong advice. You know, walking in a normal pace is better than jogging. Don’t eat after 6 pm. Eat salad if your hungry. Less food, more juice.

Look, I don’t charge for this kind of shit. I never have. As far as I know, from people who are actually following the programs I write up precisely, the programs work. Unfortunately, very few people follow those programs. The rest just say “thanks man. I really need to lose all this weight fast. Thanks a lot”, or “thanks man. I’ve been training for years and I haven’t gained shit… finally someone’s helping me out” AND THEN THEY F*** UP AND QUIT ON THE SECOND DAY!!! The funny thing is, the programs I write down aren’t even hard to follow. They aren’t very strict. What I write up on my blog is what I PERSONALLY do, not what I write up for others. When I sit with you, and talk to you, waste an hour trying to briefly explain how to burn fat or gain muscle, and write down what you need to do, I don’t want you to thank me. I don’t care if you slap me in the face and say “this better work!!”. I just want you to follow it and get the results you want.